Emotions

Emotions are quite intriguing. Different people deal with their emotions in different ways. Different emotions make you say and do different things. They are multi-leveled, complex, ways to express how we feel and react towards one thing or another.

We humans are complex creatures. As complex beings, we deal with our emotions in complex ways. Some people over-think and try to anticipate another humans reaction and change his/her emotions accordingly. However in most cases, in efforts to be two steps ahead he/she usually ends up tripping all over themselves and end up five steps back.

Do you ever notice that when some people are sad, they turn their sadness into anger. I must admit, I do this sometimes. As a scorpio, I am a very emotional creature. Ironically enough, while I am full of all sorts of emotions, I try so desperately not to show them to their full extent. I refuse to keep myself completely wide open like that. However, in all my efforts of concealing my full emotions, the only place you need to look to know exactly how I feel is on my metaphorical sleeve. Yes, that's right ladies and gentleman, I, not so proudly, wear an emotional sleeve. It's right there, out in the open, for everyone to see. As much as I try to cover it up or camouflage it somehow, it always manages to pop right out. And, apparently I swear emotional glasses at times too because you can see exactly how I feel by just looking into my eyes...damnit! I've got nowhere to hide them!

So there are times where I am so overwhelmed with sadness and longing I don't know how to properly convey that. Sometimes I try to cover up that sadness and longing but fail and it turns into anger. This anger is the outlet that saves me from being hurt more; the anger is a wall protecting my, already, vulnerable self. I tend to try to find a scapegoat and blame my sadness and longing on someone and that blame usually turns into anger. Or, sometimes in extreme sadness and longing, I turn the other way and completely close myself off. It hurts less that way...sometimes...

Unlike most Scorps, I am very slow-tempered. It takes A LOT to anger me. Yes, I do get irritated, aggrivated, and perhaps a little pissed off, but rarely do I ever get angry. If you have angered me in the past, I probably haven't talked to you since then. I don't forgive easily once I have felt anger towards someone. Actually, I don't forgive at all; I tend to hold a grudge as a matter of fact. Now, that grudge thing I'm working on. That non-forgiveness thing is a work in progress. But just know, if I have cut off all connections with you, it's probably because you made me truly mad.

On the flipside, there is happiness. There are so many ways I feel happiness. There are so many levels to which happiness is felt. For me, in the most simplified manner, there is content, happiness, excitement, ecstatic, and completely and utterly overjoyed beyond words and thought. No matter where my true emotions are on that scale, I usually like to only convey happiness. My eyes will tell you different, but I try to keep things at happy. I don't know why, but I don't like to show too much excitement. Very few people see beyond "happiness". Those few have peeled away my layers and have been able to see my full emotions.

Unlike myself, I know people who keep themselves wide open. You can read their emotions like a book. They hold nothing back. I think that's a little extreme and a bit overwhelming for anyone around that individual. It can be exhausting trying to keep up with another's emotions. It's bad enough you have to figure out you're own let alone deal with someone else's.

On the opposite end of the spectrum you've got those individuals who hardly show any emotions if any at all. They close themselves up; their emotions are in a safe where only they know the combination. I don't know that this is all that productive as well. How do others know how that person is feeling? We use emotions and reactions to judge other's personalities. How do you tell a person's personality if their emotions are under a few deadbolts and a lock and key?

Emotions are sometimes equated to vulnerability and/or exposure. Some people don't mind the exposure and others would rather stay locked up in a room/house than show their true emotions. I'd like to think I'm somewhere in the middle. There are times where I show too many emotions and tend to exhaust those around me. Then, there are times where I close myself up making it difficult to know how I've reacted to certain situations. I am learning to find a happy medium.

Some people are afraid to show their true emotions because they are afraid of what they may say or do. Some people say awful things when they are angry. They may not mean it, but they said it. I am a strong believer that if anyone says anything, even if it slips out, it hold some sort of truth because it would not have come out if it was not a thought in that person's head at one point in time. You may not mean what you said, but you must have thought it once or twice.

There are also those who are afraid to show their true feelings because they may be afraid of rejection. Some people will never tell the person they love that they love them for fear that the recipient may not love the sender back. And the rejection is too harmful for some and they would rather keep their true emotions to themselves than have to deal with rejections.

Some people express their emotions in actions. For example, I know many people who run when they're angry or stressed. It's a healthy, non-vulnerable outlet for those emotions. I know people who drink or do drugs to help them deal with their emotions. It's not so healthy, and perhaps not the smartest option, but to each his own.

With all that said, how do you deal with your emotions? Is it in a helpful way? or is it more harmful? Or, do you deal with your emotions at all? Why do you deal with your emotions they way you do, if at all? Are your emotions helping others around? Or, do they harm others around you?

Well, here is your musical connection of the day... enjoy :)


I was going to use Destiny's Child... but I thought I'd give you the originals...Oh the BeeGees
Thanks for listening!
...until next time...

Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number

The other day, I was talking to a girlfriend of mine and she was venting about how her friend keeps asking her to go out on a week-nights. She said she couldn't because she has to get up at 5am to go to work. Her friend then proceeded to call her boring. How old do you think my girlfriend is?

I have another story for you. I have another friend who asked if I wanted to go to Happy Hour on Thursday a few weeks ago. I had to decline because I have a hard time being able to go out on the weekends let alone the weekdays. Well this other friend of mine is a strong believer in Thirsty Thursdays and Sunday Fun-Days. How old do you think he is?

Well the first story my girlfriend is 21, and in the second story my friend is 30.

Then, you take myself as an example. I am a single-mother who was married and now going through a divorce. How old do you think I am? Without knowing me and just knowing those facts about me, many would think I am at least in my thirties. Wrong! I will be twenty-five next month. Because of my situation and my circumstances I have had to grow up a lot faster than my other friends. They worry still worry about where they are going to go out or which party to go to while I worry about how I'm going to pay for preschool, and how I need to save up for new clothes for my continuously growing son.

I find it so interesting how we put so much emphasis on age as we grow up. There are so many sayings such as, "act your age, not your shoe size". What defines age anyway? In the opening examples you've got a 21 year old acting more mature than the 30 year old. She recognizes the fact that she can't go out because she has to get up and go to work in the morning. As for my other friend, he still actively practices what college students practice.

Society is telling us that how old you are is so important. You've got magazines telling women that 40 is the new 20 and television shows to back up that ideal such as "Cougar Town". If you are forty years old, why do you want to act like a twenty year old? In service one Sunday, Pastor Jim said something that stuck with me. He said something to the extent of, "It is important to hold on to your childlike qualities. But at some point, we need to grow up and stop acting like a child." There is a huge difference between being childlike, and being childish.

Today's youth is growing up faster than the youth did just one decade ago because they are being exposed to certain things that I wasn't exposed to until I was in high school. There are anti-age creams and gels and this and that. Ironically, there are times when the people who use that STILL look older than the ones that are au natuale. There are things like botox and plastic surgery that helps you "preserve your age". What the heck does that mean!?!

All of this leads me to believe that age is nothing but a number. Maturity, clearly, knows no age as depicted in the early examples. I am also a strong believer of love knows no age. My boyfriend is nearly seven years older than me. Another one of my girlfriends is married to someone who is eight years older than her. And I have another girlfriend who is dating someone who is thirteen years older than her. Although my boyfriend and I joke a lot about the difference in our age, it doesn't change the fact that we are madly and deeply in love with each other. There are couples out there whose age difference is a lot greater than mine and they are madly and deeply in love with each other as well.

There are men with women who are old enough to be that woman's father, and even grandfather. There are women with men who could be that man's mother, or even grandmother. I must admit, I think it to be a bit odd for people to have significant others young enough to be their own children. But, I think it to be odd because society says it is odd.
Now, there is a line that is drawn in this ideal. This ideal only works with adults. It is wrong, odd, and most of all, illegal when minors are involved. For example, it is wrong when a sixteen year old has real, intimate relations with someone who is twenty-six years old. Yes, the difference is only ten years, but it is illegal!

We spend our lives trying to define age and define how old we are. When you want to get to know someone, sure, how old they are is important if large age gaps are important to you. However, what you really should ask yourself is "how mature is this person?" or "how old does this person act?" because what's the use dating someone your age is he/she acts like a child?

With all that said, I'm throwing some old school your way... RIP Aaliyah




Thanks for Listening!
...until next time...