Girls and Boys

There is this common misconception that women are more complicated than men. Yes, we do tend to be slightly more emotional, but in most cases, how we deal with our emotions are similar to how men deal with their emotions. Just like men, there are times to be comforted and there are times to be left alone; there are times for a good long pep talk, and there are time for a pat on the back. The problem is, men don't know at what times to use what method of comfort, and vice versa.

Last night, I came to the conclusion that boyfriends don't make very good girlfriends, and I'm sure men could argue the same about their girlfriends. Your girlfriend/boyfriend should be your best friend. However, there are times when a girl can't just go to her boyfriend with certain things. There are times a girlfriend needs a girlfriend. It's just like when guys want to go to the bar and watch the game with the guys. It's cool to bring your girlfriend to the bar to watch the game if she's into that sort of thing. But sometimes, it's best to be with the guys.

In my personal experience, i have learned that I'm better off with a pat on the back and an, "everything is going to be alright". There are few times when I actually need a pep talk. There are times when I'm stuck in a rut and the only thing that will help is a pint of ice cream and a good chick flick. Well, I made the horrible mistake of going to my boyfriend in this time of need. He wanted to fix it. He wanted so desperately to pull me out of that rut. He was trying everything he could think of to cheer me up. At the time, his efforts were just irritating and it amplified the situation. It was only the morning after that I realized (with the help of a girlfriend) that he was only trying to help. I was getting mad at him because he was only trying to help. Well, here's a message to the male reader: When your girl is stuck in a rut and wants to throw herself a pity party, let her! She knows it's not going to change the situation. She knows feeling sorry for herself won't make the world a better place. But all she needs is a little time and she will willingly climb out of said rut she was stuck in. Just quietly tell her to give it time and that things will get better, that's it.

Also, why is it that when a girl asks her boyfriend the infamous question, "what's wrong?" and the boyfriend's response is, "nothing", even though both parties are well aware of the fact that something is, indeed, wrong the girl is supposed to drop it and leave it at that? However, when a guy asks his girl said infamous question, and the girl says "nothing", the guy feels it necessary to continue to ask and pry until she comes out bursting with tears. Guys, look what you've done! You've made a mess. She was trying not to make a mess, and you made her make a mess! Why can't guys just drop the situation when the girls say "nothing"? I realize it can get tricky here because some girls like to play mind games. Some girls want you to pry and keep poking at it because, to them, it shows that you're concerned and that you care. That's bullshit on the girls part. Girls: stop playing games with your men. When you say "nothing", mean "nothing"! Interestingly, I know some men who do the same. I know some men who say "nothing" but really mean "something" but they don't want to elaborate. Or, when the guy responds with "don't worry about it" is my favorite. Don't worry about it, huh? I'm your girlfriend. It's my job to worry about it just as it's your job to try to make me feel better. That's what loved ones do.

We, as a couple, care about each other so much that sometimes it gets in the way. We want so badly to fix things, make things better, do whatever we can to ameliorate the situation. So, we do what we think is helpful. However, in the end, we end up doing more harm than good; we end up amplifying the situation, creating things that may not be there in the first place. What may start out as a simple venting session turns out to be a full blown out fight. We fight because one wants to help the other and the other just wants the one person to shut up. For me, less is better. Don't give me reason after reason after example after example. Sum it up in one, clean, concise sentence (maybe two if necessary). Say less and do more. Hug me, hold me, kiss me, play with my hair, give me a massage, rub my back...but in silence. Just SHOW me that things will get better, because I already know, in my head, that things will get better. I'm hardest on myself. I've already given myself a pep talk; I've already rationalized every aspect of the situation; I've turned every corner, so I don't need to hear it again. I just want to be shown that you care.

As humans, we are a complicated and complex species. Our ability to think, comprehend, and communicate the way we do is a blessing and a curse. Sometimes we forget to communicate making us over-think and lose all sense of comprehension causing all sorts of trouble to occur. So, let's do all of us a favor and make steps towards communicating better. Not only speak, but listen. If she says she does not want to talk about it, or if she wants to drop it, drop it. I'm not saying I'm some expert communicator myself, but I'm making efforts in doing better. This does not only pertain to people in an intimate relationship. This is relevant to all people in all sorts of relationship. Speak AND listen. You can't just speak with out listening, and it's not good to listen without speak. Find the balance.

What about you? Are you a good listener? Do you communicate well with others? Do you speak more than you listen? Do you listen more than you speak?

Do you remember this track from back in the day? Good stuff right here!!! Enjoy...

Thanks for listening!
...until next time...