New Look for the New Year

So, I know I've been failing at life when it comes to blogging. I'm really going to try to get better at blogging more often. I feel like this blog is more of a "food for thought" sort of place. I want you to think... maybe not too hard... but to think. This is a place for me to lay out my thoughts and reflect on certain aspects and issues of life. So sit back and enjoy as I try to reflect a little more often.

So the last time I wrote was five months ago to the day. Crazy huh!? A lot has happened in the last five months. Generally speaking, I've experienced happiness in ways I haven't felt since TJ was born, I have grown, seen a new light on life, and increased my faith in the BIG MAN Himself.

In my last posting I had mentioned a new friend that had got me writing again. Ironically enough, he became part of the reason why I haven't written in a while. I, one, don't have as much time anymore, and two, I end up chatting with him all day rather than writing here. However, he is also the reason why I've experienced so much happiness. He has accepted me for who and what I am. He sees me in ways I don't see myself. He loves me and my son with all of his heart. The thought of him makes me smile first thing in the mornings, and his voice eases my soul every evening. He brings me joy to my everyday. Our relationship has grown in ways that we never though imaginable. It all started out with a simple comment about his hat, and now look at us. These last five months have been a pure joy and whole-hearted happiness and for him I am ever grateful!

The last five months have also brought about a lot of growth. I have grown as a mother, as a sister, as a daughter, as a friend, and as a lover. As a mother in my situation, I have learned that I need to step up my game. I have learned that I should not rely so much on the resources I have just because they are there. I have learned that I am young in years, but I have to be older in experience. I have learned that I am not the average 24 year old. I have way more responsibilities and obligations and I have learned that I need to recognize and embrace these.

As a sister, I have learned that it's not always my business. Don't get me wrong, my sister and I are best friends! But there are things that she has other friends to go to for. She will not always come to me. But we haven't gone out just the two of us in forever, and I'm hoping that will change shortly. As for being a daughter. It's been a tough five months between me and my parents. We don't see eye to eye about a number of things. They are more conventional and I am more liberal. They were raised in a traditional Philippine way, and I was raised first generation in the states. We are different just because of that. But, it has come to the point where we disagree more and more. I feel like they know I'm older, but they treat me like I'm still a teen. So because of this, we butt heads all the time. But I suppose that's expected when you're an adult living under your parents' roof.

Friends are people who come into your life, make and impact, and either leave or continue to make an impact on your life. I have accepted the idea that there are friends who come and go. There are friends who are only friends due to proximity and situation. There are friends who are friends of your friends and that's the only reason they are your friends. I have learned that I can't hold on to ALL of the friends I have made. I have learned to appreciate those who stay and continue to impact my life.

In the past five months, I have redefined the meaning of a relationship. Previously, I have been able to get away with "Relationship: n. the joining of two people who share feelings for each other and do things the 'Katrina' way". My current relationship is forcing me to change this definition for the better. It is allowing me to grow up and realize that real relationships strive on the three C's: caring, communication, and compromise. One must truly care about the other's feelings and reactions to your actions and words. Outstanding communication is necessary to fully learn your significant other's feelings and reactions. And compromise is vital in order to make relationships work. I can't always have my way...although I sometimes think I can. I have learned that when one communicates, I actually listen and act rather than just hearing the words that they are saying.

As for the last two, they are somewhat intertwined. The serenity prayer has allowed me to get through a lot of hardships the past few months. For those of you who aren't familiar, it reads "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". It allows me to recognize the things I can and cannot change and from there I work on the things I can change and let go of the things I cannot change. It's therapuedic really. This has allowed me to see life in a new light. HE has allowed me to see life in a new light. I try to burden myself less and put it in HIS hands instead. I believe that everything happens for a reason; HIS reason. I believe that he has blessed me in more ways than I am aware of. I have learned to recognize my blessings when things look bleak. This, then, allows me to shine HIS light on others in their dark moments as well.

Some of you find all of this interesting, while others may find it boring and that's ok. This is simply a space for me to lay down my thoughts and reflect. It is up to you to share this space with me. Enjoy! And, until next time.....