Just call me a philosopher

So this time around it's a little less update, and a little more food for thought.
Well, to give a little background, thanks to a new friend of mine ;p, I've started writing again. And it went a little something like this...

Well, I find myself becoming a more spiritual individual, and I absolutely love it! I have found a new church that I love too! It gives me this sense of understanding of the LORD I never obtained before. In the past few months, I feel that I have increased my relationship with HIM in ways I have never known before.

I began reading this book of daily readings my mom gave both me and my sister. It's a daily devotions book. I had to do a bit of catching up over the past few days. The first reading I read tonight was about "The Courage to Say 'NO'". This i can relate to! I have a problem saying no sometimes; actually most of the time. The grass always seems to look greener on the other side, or I'm always afraid of hurting someone's feelings if I say "no". This reading, as I understood it, said that the grass only looks greener on the other side because you don't see the bigger picture; you're forgetting to even look at your own side. We sometimes forget what we already have or we forget how great what we already have is. Or, hurting someones feelings... I've come to learn that if you say "no" to someone who truly cares for you, then they'll understand and no feelings will be hurt. I've also learned that you can't please everyone. Plus, why would you want to? If you focus on pleasing everyone else, I think eventually, you will find that you're are forgetting to please someone with the utmoust importance, YOURSELF!

The second reading I read tonight is titles, "what the Devil Means for Harm, GOD will use for Good". A passage reads, "it is amazing how many times Satan will set a trap for us, meaning it for our harm and destruction. But when GOD gets involved, HE takes that thing that Satan meant to use to destroy us and turns it so that it actually works for our good instead," It goes along with "GOD is good, all the time!" If evil should cross your path, put it in HIS hands; take it to the LORD, and HE wil find the light and reveal the good to you. So, when times are hard, and when all seems to be bad and getting worse, ask for HIS guidance because HE can do no evil! And remember, "I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength." PHILIPPIANS 4:13 I have to continuously remind myself that through these hardships and rough patches Satan has placed in our path will come only good and prosperity if put in HIS hands.

Today's reading is about "The Spirit of Peace". The last paragraph of this reading says,

"When we do have to make hard decisions or solve complicated problems or onfront difficult people, the HOLY SPIRIT will decide the proper time and approach. HE will give us the right words to say. Until then, we don't need to bother ourselves with it. If we will listen to what the LORD is telling us here in this passage, not only will we have more peace, but we will enjoy more success. Because when we do have to speak, what comes out of our mouth will be spiritual wisdom from GOD and not something that we have come up with our of our own carnal mind."

The passage basically describes what I have to do from here on out. I have such a hard time making decisions and I ask to many 'what if's and thing too much on what "could have been". If what is meant to be has passed, HE will find a way for it to cross our paths again. We need not, I need not think too hard about things. I should put my mind to peace and let HIM work through me. This is a tough tas because I can become very impatient. But, like the passage says, "we need not bother ourselves...if we listen to what the LORD is telling us... not only will we have more peace, but we will enjoy more success". So basically, SHUT UP KAT AND LISTEN!

Thank you EP for encouraging me to start writing again! :)

The reason I share this with y'all (and know, I hardly EVER share my journal entries) is because those passages hit home so hard. It's ridiculous how close those issues are to me.

But here's another question i want to throw out there: Is it truly possible to be TOO nice?
I ask that because I feel like I am sometimes, actually a lot of the time. And, when I feel like my sincerity and selflessness has been taken advantage of, I do a complete 180 and go into my "I hate the world" mentality. And that's what I feel right now. Here's the thing, I'm underpaid and overqualified. I jump through hoops and run a freaking circus in order to get the job at hand done. I do everything i possibly can to complete the task/favor. I expend all of my resources necessary to "get the job done". And after all of that, I feel like i get nothing in return. I bust my ass off here and the one time i need something in return, i get a half ass effort and get shoved to the side.

Really though!?! Did I really deserve this? What did I do? Is there something wrong? Please tell me if there is. I just don't understand how bad things happen to relatively good people. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think i'm an angel or anything and I'm far from perfect, but I feel that i deserve a little something once in a while. Now, i don't ask for much and i'm a pretty self serving person, but I get nothing when i really need it. So eff the world! Eff the job! Eff the company. Eff with me and I'll eff with you too! Now, I know that's not the right mentality, especially after all that spiritual things I said above but I just need to vent/get this off my chest.

So now that I've accomplished that, yes, i'm trying to put this in HIS hands. He will find a way! I mean, afterall I just wanted this small favor so I can do something for my son at his school for his birthday. It's not for selfish reasons. I've got to put my mind at peace and let HIM take care of this. woo saaaah Kat, wooo saaahhhh.

Anyway, like i briefly mentioned above, this Saturday is TJ's second birthday! can you believe it!?! I mean, where did the time go!?!? I definitely didn't see two years go by. WOW! The birthday update is soon to follow!

Until next time :)